What if...?

The connotation when one thinks of the giant C-word isn't usually a good one. Cancer doesn't present itself at your doorstep in a suit and tie with a bouquet of flowers. It shows up out of nowhere, ready to destroy everything you are.

When I think of cancer, I actually think of a lot of things and one of the biggest things is, what would my life be life if I never had cancer?

Truth is, no one's life is perfect. I think we all know that. Everyone has their problems whether it be at work, at home, at school, illnesses, deaths, breakups, whatever. Each and every person has demons that they face but have you ever really thought about what your life would be like if you never had those issues?

I wonder what mine would be like sometimes if I was never born with cancer - if I were "normal." If I had things my way, I would be an author with an insane amount of books under my belt. I would have three dogs, in a huge house, with a nice car. Maybe a husband. But, reality is that that's not my life.

Life had different plans for me and your life may have different plans for you. Who's to say we shouldn't enjoy how our cards are handed to us, whether we think it sucks or not.

I wonder how my life would have played out if I never had cancer.

I wouldn't be worried about every pain or ache I get in my body. I wouldn't be scared that the cancer could come back and that I'd have to go through treatment again. Every possible pain I get floods my memory with hospitals, needles, my port, chemo...

I wouldn't have lost my long hair. I would have felt like I looked normal.

I wouldn't have gained so much weight after treatment because I would have stayed on my healthy lifestyle that I had made for myself. I wouldn't be beating myself up day in and day out because of my outer appearance post-cancer.

There are a lot of things that I wonder about and how my life would be if I didn't have cancer, but then I remember what cancer has taught me...

Its taught me to be strong. I'm proud to say that I'm one of the strongest people I know.

Its taught me to love each and every day, the good and the bad (and the boring).

I've met some of the most amazing people on the way who have become life-long friends.

I'm proud of the outlook on life cancer has given me. I wouldn't trade that for all the healthy days in the world. It's a blessing to be alive.